feet sometimes on solid ground

crazykatie_99 @ 2007-11-20T11:43:00

2007-11-20T16:44:58Z

Moving journals!

kaychellekaychellekaychellekaychelle

Comment the new journal for access :) Loving the new journal too much to not to post ♥

Pic Post!

2007-11-01T17:13:21Z

So, Hallowe'en turned out to be a rockin' good time. I went to class, and to the campus pub day of with m13ryan. That was rad, but everything Michael and I do together anyways is sweet so...

Anyways, I went home after classes, changed into my costume and suchness and went to Michael's house. We ordered pizza (from the only store that delivers on Hallowe'en night) and ran down to the corner store to get some chips and snacks. He completely couldn't understand WHAT the guy behind the counter was saying and was positive the guy said "special prize". We wish though, right?

Anyways, after dinner Michael and I headed over to Bitmore and ordered a pitcher of Canadian just talking. Like "Remember that time in Miss Veorwerd's class when Ryan and Matt did that parody of the Simple Life and dressed up as Paris and Nicole? I'll never forget how they looked in bikinis and mini skirts." Classic.

Anyways, Michael went out of a smoke eventually and I turned and saw one my besttt friends from high school Marie and Shawn out for a drink too. Yesterday was Marie's nineteenth! So I run over, Michael joins us, Marie calls Scott and he shows up... and general mayhem insued...

We spent hours with them. It was so much fun. Here are some pictures of last night. Marie and Michael ended up taking my camera and shooting me whenever they felt like it. Some of them turned out good (the ones I'm posting bc I'm a wimp and don't like the ones that turned out like shit. HA!)

Me, looking at the camera thinking "Marie, what do you think you're doing?"
And check out my RING! Isn't it bangin'?

Sticking my tongue out at Michael. I'm so mature!

My full costume. Aren't I a cute Catholic School Girl?!

Michael and Me. We're adoreable. And our eyes are so pretty! Hello green eyes! Hello blue eyes!

Hallowe'en+Friends+Tequila Shots= ♥

That's wrapping it up!

xoxo

Happy Hallowe'en!!

2007-10-31T20:59:53Z

Why is it that Halloween is one of the most fun days everr?

I'm 19, I haven't trick-or-treated in years. But yet dressing up and going out is the coolest thing everr.

I'm totally a ~~slutty~~ not slutty enough, Catholic School Girl (pictures to be posted tomorrow, probably). m13ryan and I are going to Bitmores tonight to get retarrded*!

Should be a blast!

♥

You're such a myspace kidd**

2007-10-15T20:08:00Z

"What a way to wake up in the morning."
"What- cracked out and hyper?"

<333 I love us.

First Day of Classes

2007-09-10T17:47:39Z

So, yeah.

Things didn't quite work out the way I had hoped. I'm not at Trent. I'm at the university I was last year. I'm taking one course I'm really excited about and two courses that I'm improving my marks in. I feel alone.

I'm really alone. And a little depressed. And totally scared.

There is a lot of pressure on me to do well this year. I'm terrified I'm going to do horribly.

in this crazy life, in these crazy times, its you**

2007-07-19T07:55:51Z

Ooo long time since I've posted. Evan's birthday is around the corner so that means I need to go shopping. I'm no good at shopping for other people unless they're with me and I'm not buying his gift with me. He'd end up with like... bags upon bags of candy.

Oh, and Evan reads my livejournal and I didn't know it. *waves at the BF from cyberland*. Huh I had no idea. I'm a little embarassed at my hysterical rants now. Huh. I guess if you have ideas for his gift, don't comment them at my journal. He might read them ;). (LOVE YOU SKI!)

Uhh going to bed now. I couldn't sleep. Now I can. YAY!

Blergh!

2007-05-30T17:55:33Z

I just did my first bit of highway driving.

On the 401.

Not feeling confident whatsoever.

I honestly feel like I might be ill now.

...

I never want to drive again

crazykatie_99 @ 2007-05-22T23:44:00

2007-05-23T03:51:12Z

On the bright side of my dim life-- I am gaining some free time again as my boyfriend is at work from 7-4 and I work either from 7-2:30 or 3-10:30 or 6-10 or 2-6 etc. etc. etc (I have many shifts those are the 4 common ones).

There is a possibility of me rejoining prtsmth_academy. I am exceptionally excited. We shall see how things go.

I miss you guys!

crazykatie_99 @ 2007-05-22T12:46:00

2007-05-22T16:57:33Z

I never seem to be able to do anything right for my mom. I'm not blaming her because I've put her through a lot of shit these couple weeks, but still. That's what it feels like. I'm never right and therefore can never relax. I had a plan and it was shot down before it left the ground and its been a couple days and I don't know what to do yet. No one has said, "okay, lets sit down and figure this out." Instead I'm asked what I'm going to do and told that I should be looking up things instead of relaxing for an hour or so before work. Ok, now I'm making her seem like the bad guy. She isn't. She wants to know what I'm doing for the next year. I just don't know yet. And when I say I don't know I'm accused of rolling my eyes at her when I'm not. I'm trying to end the conversation because its not a conversation at all. Its a one way thing that I can't win or even come out of feeling semi-good about myself. I'm upset because I don't want to be like that towards her and I hate it, but I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do in a situation like this? I don't even know how to communicate with her anymore. I feel like I'm either being dictated to or being yelled at or being completely ignored.

All I want from her is a real conversation.

I didn't realize that would be so much to ask for.

crazykatie_99 @ 2007-05-17T10:55:00

2007-05-17T16:53:00Z

These past couple weeks have been really rough on me and my family, but now I think things are getting better.

What happened was that my grades weren't good this semester and I chose this time to tell them I wasn't in the area of study I wanted to be.

You see, I'm currently enrolled in the University of Ontario, Institute of Technology taking Criminology. I want to take English Literature. The university I'm enrolled in, doesn't offer that so I want to transfer universities.

Specifically I want to transfer to my boyfriend's university. Although that appears to be the only reason why I want to go there, it isnt. I've visited Trent University. I've been there, and I felt like home there. I have friends there already and I don't feel like an outsider. And it has courses I am interested in. This is what I want. I know it. I can feel it. This is where I want to be.

So, I'm applying and hoping and praying that I'm given a chance. I'm nervous as all get out, but I have to be stoic. There is nothing I can do now. I just have to put myself out there and wait for the results- good or bad.

A Scene from Two Weeks Notice...

2007-05-14T15:49:18Z

"Its hard to find a quiet place in Brooklyn to think, or to.. replay whatever arguement I just had with my mother."

"Yes, yeah, she's terrifying. I thought she was going to kill me and feed me to the poor."

"Yeah she's a piece of work. ..But for better for worse, she's the voice in my head pushing me to do better. Challenge the accepted wisdom, never settle for a B when you could've gotten an A on a test."

"You once got a B?"

"Hypothetically speaking. Of course no matter how hard I try I will never live up to her expectations."

"Well, there are worse things in life. .. Like no one ever having any expectations."

between happy and total fucking wreck*

2007-05-11T01:29:46Z

I used to pride myself in not needing anyone. I made a post not so long ago that I felt happiest when I was alone.

That was a crock of shit.

I'm completely isolated from the world. This computer is my gateway to people. People I love, and I care about I've been lying so that I don't have to tell them the complete truth as to why I'm not allowed out or why i'm not happy. Or I've out and out told them that things are great.

Everyone asks how you are. Unless you say terrible people don't push much further.

No one looks at me anymore. I feel like scum everytime I enter a room. I've never cried more in my life. I've always thought people who run away or kill themselves are stupid and they aren't looking at all the options. Within two days I've thought of both. I'm too much of a wimp to do it though, so don't even worry. This is just me at rock bottom.

My icon says numb. Yes, that's what I am currently. I feel nothing except a dull ache. I'm not even sure if I exist anymore. Maybe I'm already gone.

Have you ever just wanted to stop? Stop hurting and just not feel anything, anything at all? I've been thinking that a lot. Stop. Just stop breathing and moving and blinking, hurting. Like maybe if I just sit perfectly still for a moment that things won't be so bad anymore. Perhaps the world will pass me by and when I wake up everything will be okay again and I won't have to cry anymore.

I just want to feel like me again. I didn't think it would be that much of a task to feel like me. Like maybe if I do this things will get better and I'll be me.

What I'm most afraid of is that these two days have changed me. I'm not going to get me back. I'll feel better, but a part of me is gone or changed or adapted in some way that its similar to this state. More than anything I hope that isn't going to happen because I'm afraid of what I am now. Meek, and helpless, lonely and most of all paranoid. I'm afraid of when the other shoe will drop and.. I'm afraid I'll chase away the few good things in my life with my newfound paranoia.

When did being me become so difficult to do?

a night like this is begging to pull me apart**

2007-04-17T05:54:47Z

Tomorrow is my second and third exams. I have two more after this and then summer.

The truth is that I feel horribly depressed for no reason. Not because Evan isn't here, but because I feel isolated from everything.

I hate living at home. I just hate being here all the time. I'm not going to cry again because I do have to go to sleep after this, but that's what I was doing all evening. Studying and crying over MSN to Evan. I feel like there is a huge barrier between myself and the rest of the world, especially myself and my university.

I feel like I could disappear and the first person to notice I was gone would be Evan, and he lives in another city completely right now. If it weren't for him, no one would notice at all. I could just disappear and it would be like I never existed-- until someone wanted something.

I don't like having thoughts like this. They scare me. They've been happening increasingly more often. Why do I always feel like this? Why can the littlest thing set me into hysterics? Why does it take hours for Evan to talk me down and back to normal?

The thing that worries me is that I'm going to become a burden to Evan. I think I'm going crazy. I don't want to fall apart anymore.

To my pseudo friend

2007-04-14T04:34:26Z

Dear pseudo friend,

You probably don't know who you are, and you won't ever read this but this but this is about me telling you that this is over.

I have so much to thank you for, the greatest thing being Evan. Because of you I met him and he is the best thing that may have ever happened to me so far. We've made a lot of memories. And I think I'll always remember you.

But I'm tired of being used by you. You never called me in high school. You never speak to me in university. And the only time you ever have it was to use me. You only called me if you wanted something. A ride, your go between, drugs, alcohol... why is it that you can never call me to hang out or talk.

In high school you never invited me to go anywhere with you or the group and if you did, it was last minute. I never felt included or wanted. I felt like you never either wanted me there or I was the last one to know.

You were supposed to be one of my best friends. Why do you feel like its ok to use me? Why is it ok for you to literally tell my boyfriend you're using me to see your own boyfriend? Why is it ok for you to treat people like that? Is it just me or is it everyone? I don't want to believe you're that horrible of a person, and I don't think you are.

One of my professors have taught us that there are cheaters and cooperaters. People either abide by the rules and some people cut corners and aren't caught. I don't know. Sometimes I don't know what to say to you.

Aren't I good enough to just talk to?

--Katie

ARG!

2007-04-10T13:50:00Z

I F*CKING HATE WEBCT AND MY F*CKING PROFFESSORS!

WHO announces at 8:30 at night that they have cancelled class? Most of us are here and yet... I can't believe this sometimes. I'm so pissed off. AND I forgot my cellphone so I can't call Evan I'm coming early.

Oh well, looks like I'm going to be waking him up :P. Maybe he'll be pleasantly surprised :P

please give me another chance to write you another song; and take back those things i've done*

2007-04-09T05:09:55Z

Happy Late Easter.

Well I guess I have be extra distracted these couple days. Things have been busier so to speak. I haven't really been doing anything special. I kind of push everything else aside when Evan is in town. Understandably-- I guess. Its rough being at different schools and having totally different schedules.

Speaking of, I'm going to have a BUSY schedule. I don't know if I've told you. This week is my last week (yes you read that right) of classes!. I'm so excited. So, that means all next two weeks are exams. Evan's classes ended on Thursday so he's been home since Thursday night and his exams don't start until this Saturday. Summer is so close for us! So exams are playing a big part. THEN I have Driver's ed all this month, Tuesdays and Thursdays (no House and no Supernatural. BOO!). The two tests for Driver's Ed land on two of my university exams so those days have been placed on the Saturday-Sunday 28-29th. Oh and I'm supposed to be doing my in car sessions all this month too. Umm hello? Can I breathe yet?

As for what I've been up to these last couple days? Well Friday I spent with Evan and Matt. Evan and I watched a movie, and then called Suze around noonish and waited for him to come over so we could go out for lunch. Yeah probably not smart because it was Good Friday and barely ANYTHING was open. But that's what we did. We went back to Evan's place and we just hung around in the basement for a while. Then m13ryan called me and we decided to meet up. He took the bus in and it was f*cking cold! But we walked to Timmy Hoes and Wendy's anyways. It was good all over. Then we walked back to Evan's house and Michael walked home because he didn't want to wait for his brother in Evan's house and get warm. Of course he calls me later and tells me his brother was being ass and decided not to pick him up and made him walk home FOR TWO HOURS IN FREEZING COLD WEATHER. Um yeah. That was so sweet of him eh? I would've done something but I couldn't. :S I'm glad that I'll have my liscence so we don't have to worry about shit like that anymore. Saturday was really relaxing. Evan and I just lazed around his basement all day and went out once to have lunch with his parents and sister. Today was pretty much the same, only Evan came here and had Easter dinner with us. My dad was being really weird as usual and began taking pictures of the set table. Um yeah thanks dad... because we really needed that. I think Evan and I needed that after the week we had-- Evan especially. He seems much more relaxed than what he was.

By the way. UOIT suckkssss. Ok, its Easter Monday and I have classes. May I be the first to say-- WTF! I officially hate you so much. This is totally ass!

Alright. I'm going to sleep because this entry was to inform you of my weekend and now that that's over officially :( I do have to sleep so I can semi function in class tomorrow. BOO. Hopefully Evan will visit me :)

Love!

crazykatie_99 @ 2007-04-02T10:56:00

2007-04-02T14:59:11Z

Bah! Three way tie? Shitty... hmmm Ok, looks like I'm going to pick those three winners (Firefly/Serenity, Supernatural, Kristen Kruek) and look for the prettiest picture I can find.

May the best picture win!

crazykatie_99 @ 2007-03-30T13:12:00

2007-03-30T17:13:13Z

View Poll: Needing a New Layout...

I have a paid account so I wanted to try this out. Thanks Guys!!!

Letters

2007-03-30T16:57:23Z

Dear UOIT,

We've got a bone to pick. You really had to make my exams on the stupidest of times didn't you? WTF 7-10? You're horrible.

Dear PSYC 1000U,

I finally finished your paper. You suck hardcore!!

Dear SOCIO1000U

You're next. Watch your back.

Dear Driving School,

Thanks for working so hard to fit my schedule. I'm sorry for being such a bother. If you want someone to blame see my letter to UOIT. UOIT is a douchebag and you're totally allowed to bitch them out with me.

Dear Saturday,

Come faster. I miss Evan and you are my way. If you come faster I'll give you a cookie.

Dear Sunday,

You're welcome to never come at all.

Dear DQ,

I booked a shit load of days off. I'm not sorry. Although I would like to keep my job. Life has become complicated and you're technically the least important thing. (PS- I do want a kit kat blizzard however. Its coming out April 2nd!)

Dear GM,

Today is going to suck isn't it? I will be at work so you best be giving me my money.

Dear the Canadian Government,

Where is my tax return!!

Dear Summer,

Come faster. I miss you and you're going to give me as much time as I possibly can with Evan and Maxim right? I can't wait until you come.

Sincerely, Lovingly, Go die, Whatever,

Katie

xoxo

Ouch!

2007-03-24T15:07:11Z

I'm never being a good sister ever again.

I'm not saying that because my brother and I had a fight, but his cell rang, I took it up to his room (because he was still in bed) and gave it to him.

Then as I was leaving his room all quietly I hit my heel against his door frame.

Now I'm walking around with a limp.

Great.

I hate my clutzy side. :(

And now I going to limp to my room and dry my hair so I can go see Evan.<3333

Revamping my Life

2007-03-20T15:47:32Z

List of Aspirations

Daily
• Make bed everyday
• Clean floor everyday
• By April 1st be running/jogging/walking for at least 45mins everyday (with exception to Monday/Friday)
• Eat at least one piece of fruit (apple etc.) everyday
• Eat all 3 meals of the day

Weekly
• Laundry must be finished on Thursday
• All postings must be finished by Friday

Hopes
• Lose 10 lbs before summer/ drop a jeans size

Nos
• No carbonated beverages
• No MSN/AIM until daily list of schoolwork is done
• No MSN/AIM until in the process of cleaning room

if you're coming home; let me know**

2007-03-20T14:40:20Z

I don't know why I set myself up like this sometimes. Its ridiculous and stupid. I don't get like this when it comes to boys. Evan and I are perfectly fine. Its strange, I don't think we've ever had an arguement without it being teasing or over something that didn't matter like what does the word "version" really mean, especially when it comes to movies etc. I see Evan on Friday. He's coming home, but we were planning on seeing each other today. Me going up to Trent and visiting and coming home tomorrow before my DiCarlo class. I've convinced myself that I'll be in the way. In reality I just don't want my mom to be disappointed in me but if I put the blame on myself I won't be angry at her because I know this the the best for me.

I'm pathetic. I know. I can't go a week without seeing him. When I didn't see him for two weeks I was at my lowest. I don't get like this. People don't affect me quite like this. I'm self sufficient. Sometimes I hate myself.

The strange thing is that Evan is like me. Like, exactly like me. I don't understand myself. If I hate myself, and Evan is like me, why don't I hate him? Why is it so easy for me to love him and not myself. Why is it that I love him even more when he tells me he misses me and yet when I miss him I feel ridiculous. I guess its easier to love someone else than love yourself. Sometimes its easier to emphasize with someone else, than with yourself.

I wish I had never asked him to come visit me for Colbert Day in the SHWA. I wish I didn't miss him so much.

"Score-- two girls in mhy bed" "Seriously, stay away from my sister."

2007-03-18T06:36:12Z

Firstly

HAPPY (LATE) ST. PATTY'S DAY

secondly.

Things are going well for me. I've been working at GM and balancing that with evan and school I just don't have time for anything. Last weekend we (evan & both the shwa and the trent groups) all went to see 300-- which was amazing. If you haven't seen it go. I'm not going to go all out like I did with alpha dog, however if you like history see 300, if you like your men extremely built go see 300. It was amazing.

I'm also fitting in work at DQ which is good. One thing I'm excited about is our Kit Kat blizzard that's coming out next month I think.. Omg... excitement...

I'd finish this up but I have been celebrating some and I've been up since 5. Pity me darlings. Kisses!!

... and I'm alone...

2007-02-28T14:14:20Z

All things in life are bound to change. Right? I just came out of a midterm and somehow I'm in a good mood. Its sick to think that the fact I'm here at university, probably the most stressed out of my mine and yet I'm totally happy. I really have no reason to be. I have one true blue friend since exiting high school-- and I haven't seen him in weeks because of conflict of schedules. The only other person I trust with utmost certainy-- which I know isn't probably my smartest move ever, I can only see over webcam.

I remember highschool and being semi-popular with my friends. I was friends with everyone, as I liked to think but as I look back I was at my lowest point. Why is it now, when I am most alone that I am the happiest. Why is it that over break when I didn't show up at their party to show people how happy I was now made me estatic in my head? Why did that one thought of seeing everyone again throw me back into that depressed feeling?

I'm not sure. But I feel better alone.

crazykatie_99 @ 2007-01-20T23:44:00

2007-01-21T04:51:55Z

Do yourself a favour and go see this movie. I am a huge Justin Timberlake fan, but don't be a moron and pass this movie because "oh I don't like JT." Get over yourself and go see this movie. Pay your seven to ten bucks, by a ticket and see it. You will be shocked and if you know the case of Jesse James Hollywood, your opinion of the case may radically change. Kudos to the director and everyone involved. Beautiful acting.

Why are you still on livejournal? Get off your ass and see it!!